Conflicts are commonly known as an opposition or a disagreement that involves at least 2 parts. It can also be related to an emotional situation within us, as a discord of feelings or principles.
Conflict can make you lose considerable deals, close your business, miss good clients. It can also lead to breakups, hurt significant beloved ones… Everyone should learn how to solve them the best way. When an uncomfortable situation occurs, the first reaction is resistance, which leads to other ‘not so pleasant’ feelings and actions.
My question is:
Is it really worth it? Have you ever tried to think about the amount of energy and time you spent dealing with negative vibes due to hard situations?
I am sure you are familiar with that moment when you think: Damn! I spent too much energy on this or that, I could have done better… Why did I say this or that!?
So today, I want show you how to SOLVE conflicts, and how to smooth your way through tough situations without ruining relations. Smart right? (but reaaally simple I promise)
I myself use these steps when I am in the middle of hard meetings or tough negotiations that become conflicting… I also use them home dealing with messy dishwasher organization.
Ok, so first of all, let me tell you that most of the times, the best way to deal with uncomfortable situations is to change our perception of it, adapt our point of view and how we feel about it. In fact, our reaction towards situations tell us more about ourselves that about the others.
Use your emotional intelligence and energy to solve the conflict, and not to resist it. Never expect to change the others…
So here are 5 tips to deal with conflict in an intelligent way:
1- Recognize and understand your own emotion rather than digging into the opponent´s one.
2- Determine the source of that feeling – give it time to cool off. Emotional outbursts cause more harm than good and usually make the conflict grow bigger. REMEMBER it! Then ask yourself, why is this causing me this feeling?
3- Once you know what you are exactly feeling, and what was the cause that triggered it, talk through it in a non conflicting way, simple exposing your side of the story – “I felt angry because…” – “I feel overwhelmed because…” – “I didn’t like this because…”.
4- Acknowledge the others feeling as legitimate. In fact, DeRose has an amazing interview where he says that his favorite sentence is: “you are right”. Because in a way, we are all right from our own point of view.
5- Express respect, to yourself first by setting up your limits, making clear what is ok or not ok for you. A clear communication is a key tool to draw realistic expectations for all parties involved.
Then express respect for the others, it can be in many ways such as apologies, sympathy notes, shared meals, or even handshakes can be very useful.
Apply these steps and you will learn more about yourself, you will learn that you can talk through these situations without making the conflict grow big, you will set up your boundaries moving forward and at the same time (with equal importance) show to the others that you understand them and respect their position.
You will see your relations becoming stronger, your business growing based on authentic honest values, and your personal life balanced and full of good vibes.
So these were our 5 steps to help you solve conflicts.
As Marcel Proust said: “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”
Remember, everything is about consciousness!
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